Thursday, July 14, 2011


That's a lot of how I am feeling right now.  I have had this HORRIBLE attitude, and I have no idea where it came from, or even why it is still here!  GO AWAY!

Anyways.  I really don't know why I am still awake.  I am usually passed out by now.  Could have been that nap I took earlier.  Hope I don't regret this tomorrow.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  God is our merciful Father, and the source of all comfort.  2 Corinthians 1:3

I really needed to read that.  I think I need God's comfort.  I really think what all of this craziness I am going through is a fear of the unknown.  I am trying to trust Him, but I think I am still trying to plan life out anyways.  I have to remember that I can plan out life all I want, but God is going to do His will, cause that's what I am praying, and um, He's God.

Maybe it's because I don't know what is going to happen with the worship team at church, and I know that is where my calling is, so I am scared?  I have no idea. (Can you tell I am blogging to kind of figure out what I am feeling?)  There is a HECK of a lot of change going on around me, and I don't even feel like I am walking.  It's more like I am floating around in a daze.  It's weird.  But I guess it's a good thing.  Because change is good.  I trust God, and He knows what He is doing, so I'm in good hands.

I'd just like to know a little tid bit of what was happening.

But then I guess it wouldn't have the same effect, or I would totally screw it up.  Probably the second option.

Almost every area in my life is changing.  School is changing (in Jesus name), church is changing, my best friend is leaving.  But I thank GOD that my home life isn't changing except for the better.  Not saying the others aren't, but yes.  I have a wonderful family and husband.  I am so extremely thankful for them.  And actually looking back a little bit, a lot has changed there, for the better.  Praise God for that!

I guess I posted this big ol' long thing for who knows why.  If I seem a little out of it lately, it's because I am.  An INSANE semester at school, and now probably thinking too much.  Also being unsure of what the future holds doesn't help either.  I have places I want to be, and I can almost touch them, but they seem light years away at the same time.  I just hope I am doing everything right, and not screwing the whole thing up.

But you know what?  I am going to come back to this blog a little while from now and laugh.  If I only knew.  And I will be happy then.  I'm happy now, but you know.  Seeing what I will see, what I wish I could see now.  But I know God is keeping it for a reason.  I mean, come on.  If He showed us what He ultimately had planned for us,  we would probably run away screaming, or cry, or laugh at Him.  There are things to learn in every situation.  And I pray that I am learning what I need to know to go to where I need/want to be.

God is good.

(Sorry if this was kind of all over the place, but I'll post when I do look back and know what I am wanting to know, and we can all laugh together.)

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